Not even a romance
by JenShepard87
Summary: Jen and Gibbs had a fight and Gibbs has to ask himself whether he is going to give in or not...


It was Wednesday morning, Gibbs' team was sitting at their desk

This is my very first story of NCIS just so you know! I'm from Germany and apologize for every mistake you might detect g Sooo...hope you enjoy it and please give me a feedback okay?

Dislaimer: Of course I own nothing except the idea for the plot of this story. Otherwise 'Judgement Day' woulnd't have happened !!

-- Not even a romance

It was Wednesday morning, Gibbs' team was sitting at their desks and normally you would see them penetrating their keyboards under constant glares of their boss, Special Agent Jethro Gibbs. Normally.

Today however, the tension in the bullpen was thick enough to be cut by a knife. Everyone would be happy about being able to relax a bit since there was no new case and most of the paperwork was finished, but not when you were a subordinate of Gibbs. He was going mad without work and although he already had 6 cups of his favorite coffee, his mood was getting darker and darker. Tony received more slaps on the head than usual, McGee was desperately trying to be 'invisible', Ziva was quite often in the Directors office and even Abby hadn't gotten her Caf-Pow from Gibbs in the last 2 days. To say that the team would rather kill their boss instead of dealing with him would be more than just an understatement.

'Why isn't there a bomb when you need one?', thought Tony glancing at his grumpy boss. Of course he did not really wish for it but...you get the picture.

The next second he got an incoming message from one of his co-workers.

**Elflord010: **Tony I don't think I can take this anymore. Do you think Director Shepard could, you know, help us out?

**BigD007: **You crazy Probie? Twenty bucks that she is one reason why the boss is in that loving valentines mood ! You can't tell me Gibbs is only pissed because of lack of work.

**Elflord010: **Why should it be the Directors fault? Gibbs wasn't in her office since last Friday.

**BigD007: **Exactly Probie!

**Elflord010: **Sorry?

**BigD007: **It's never a good sign between those two you know. Come on, Gibbs is storming into her office at least once a day and interrupts her at MTAC every now and then. Now they just ignore each other and even you should know by now that hell's freezing when the boss has nothing to say, McGee!

**Elflord010: **I can see your point. Does Ziva know what's going on there? She is close to the Director.

**BigD007: **Don't you think she would have told us?! Geez…

**Elflord010: **No, definitely not Tony. Especially not you – no offence.

"DiNozzo! I hope for your own sake that whatever you're doing has to do with work!", Gibbs nearly shouted from behind his desk.

Tony decided to say nothing at all because Gibbs would have detected a lie right away and grabbed the file on top of his pile. McGee tried to look as innocent as possible and stared concentrated at the monitor. Gibbs knew of course that Tony was talking to McGee but he had to remain calm…the last big fight with Jen had really gotten to him and he couldn't risk screaming like a wounded bear in the middle of the bullpen. Right now, he wasn't even sure if Jen was real about threatening to fire him a few days ago, but his gut told him not to trust her patience with her old partner. Gibbs looked unconsciously up at the landing when, speak of the devil, Jen came out of her office with an unreadable expression on her face. However, when their eyes met he saw a mixture of anger and sadness in those green depths. He knew very well that he was the reason for it...although he would never admit it to anyone – especially not to himself.

_Flashback_

_Cynthia didn't even try to call the Director before Agent Gibbs stormed into her office and had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes because of what was about to come. True, with those two it was never boring, but it was never good for her either when Director Shepard walked around like a female version of that horrorflic – guy Jason. Well…there was nothing she could do except praying._

_Jethro Gibbs slammed the door shut as loud as he could, leaning forward with both of his hands on Jen's desk and was cut off before being able to start yelling at her._

"_Is there something I can do for you Agent Gibbs? You seem to have the desperate need paying for a new door.", she said in her sweetest voice full of sarcasm and without looking up from the paperwork in front of her._

"_Stop playing with me Jen, you know exactly why the hell I'm here ! It was my case, my investigation and you just gave it to the FBI for whatever stupid reason and-" _

_Jen stopped him by looking straight into his blue eyes and raising her own voice _

"_Mind your attitude Special Agent Gibbs I'm not one of your poor subordinates. And it is Director or Ma'am on job – how often do I have to repeat myself? "_

"_Oh out of the blue it has to be 'Director' again? You're the one calling me Jethro all the time and breaking your own rule."_

"_Well I'm not the only one doing that, right? Years ago you broke your rule number…what? 12? So don't lecture me about it Jethro.", Jen responded while walking around her desk so she could stand face to face with Gibbs._

"_Jen I invented that rule after you left me even though it wasn't something you should call 'romance' anyway.", he replied nonchalant with cold eyes as Jen took a step backward, taking his cruel remark like a slap in her face. She tried hard to hide every single emotion, but was too shocked to fight back. How could Jethro say that to her? She knew that it was more than just good sex back then and he knew it too – right?_

_Gibbs really wanted to hit the back of his own head after realizing that he had gone too far. The comment was harsh, cruel and anything but true. Of course it had been a romance between them, probably even more, but he was still unable to forgive her after all these years. Back then, the entire situation reminded him so much of his ex – wives. Gibbs had loved all of them in his own way, although not as much as his first wife, but it had been different with Jen. They shared the same passion and work was important for both of them. The thought of being betrayed by Jen had never crossed his mind until that day._

_Gibbs couldn't forget the pain it caused him, because the feelings he held for Jen reminded him of the ones he shared with Shannon. It still wasn't an excuse for what he had just said to his former partner and lover._

"_Right. I forgot Agent Gibbs. I'm sorry for handing the case over to the FBI but despite the fact that the image and budget of NCIS couldn't be better, I still have some ass-kissing to do. And while I'm at it…it is not __**your**__ job to tell me what to do with __**my**__ agency! I am your boss and if I want your opinion, I'll ask for it don't worry. But if you keep on with that fucking attitude about doubting my authority, your team gets another boss while their old one gets fired ! Are we clear about that Special Agent Gibbs?"_

_There was no screaming, no shouting…just a calm and steady voice. And that was what let Gibbs remain speechless for a few seconds. He knew this tone well…Jen was not only sad and disappointed by his earlier comment. The Director in her was damn serious about it._

_Since he didn't trust his own voice anymore, the silver haired Agent nodded slowly and walked dumbfounded out of Jenny Shepard's office, leaving a broken heart behind._

End of Flashback

Gibbs was torn between the part of him that wanted to go up there at MTAC to tell her what he said was bullshit, and the part which was too proud of finally admitting his true feelings including the rule of never apologizing.

After another minute Gibbs had enough, stood up and rounded the bullpen towards the stairs, leaving two Agents clueless behind. Ziva had gone to autopsy half an hour ago.

Jen sat in one of the chairs in front of the big plasma screen, staring absently at nothing. She was the only one in here at the moment and had simply chosen this dark place, because staying in her office made it hard for her to breath. The last days had been pure torture for the redheaded Director - _Jen I invented that rule after you left me even though it wasn't something you should call 'romance' anyway –_ that simple sentence, spoken by the man she still loved let her bleed like hell. Of course there was this tiny little thingy in the back of her mind which strangely reminded her of the lab rat Abby, telling her Jethro only wanted to protect himself. Deep down she knew 'little Abby' was right but it didn't change anything…

There was a silent movement at Jen's right side and turning her head, she looked right into the most beautiful blue eyes she knew. Even in the darkness there always was that mysterious sparkle making her heart jump instantly. Jen wanted to turn away, away from him, away from the pain but something in these eyes made her stop.

"Hey Jen…", came out as a whisper. '_Great Gibbs is that all you got?' he asked himself._

There was a long moment of silence before he got an equally quiet answer.

"Hello Jethro. What can I…_sigh_…is this about work or… ?"

"It's definitely about the 'or' part. Look…what I said to you…", breaking off he ran one of his hands through his silver hair. Jen watched Gibbs with interest – showing his nervousness was certainly something new.

"What I said to you was wrong in every sense. It _was _more than just…you know. Jen I was devastated after you left me and I still am. Somehow I mean."

He met her eyes once again which glistered with unshed tears, a mixture of relief, disbelieve and hope in them.

"I never wanted to leave Jethro. It was too much for me, I felt helpless and as a result I walked away. Later I was…just a coward who didn't dare to come back. It's not an excuse only an explanation.", again she had to take a few deep breaths in order to proceed.

"When we met again here at NCIS in switched roles and you told me that you had been missing me…huh…I thought it was a very bad joke. It wasn't, right?"

"Yes." was the answer she got instantly.

"Listen Jen. MTAC is not really the right place for that sort of conversation. How about a little dinner after work in your office, my treat, and then we…talk.", Gibbs said quietly while taking her hand in his own.

Jen was unable to speak and nodded silently before looking down at their joined hands. Maybe, just maybe there was still hope. Both of them knew it would be a hard and long way if they wanted to repair what had been destroyed in the past, but it could also be the start of something a lot better.

Jen had to smile at the image of that little Abby in her head, jumping up and down obviously on a caffeine trip.

The End


End file.
